two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
