There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
