Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
