Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
