just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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