How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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