wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
