you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
