Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Randomize
