Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You were trust falling into bushes
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
