The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
