Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
