hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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