There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
