Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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