respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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