It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
