Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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