how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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