Porn is love you can see.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize