her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
