hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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