maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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