I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
