Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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