I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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