I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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