using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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