there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
