I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
