sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
