Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
