I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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