My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I still have a little drunk in my system
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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