Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
