i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
