they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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