kristin has been a bad kristin
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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