I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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