I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
