So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
