I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
someone owes me an orgasm
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
