Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
