You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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