even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
