The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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