Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
