I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
