I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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