my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
