Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's like iHOP with fire
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
