Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
