3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
