She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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