okay pat passed out under dana's car
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
