jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
