I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
