What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
