I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What drink are we having for lunch?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
