Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
