I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize