Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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