I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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