Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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