They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
