Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
