He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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