My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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