forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So many bounce houses so little time
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
