I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
