I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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