Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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