He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We left an ass print on the piano.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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