Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
