I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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