My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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