There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
