Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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