i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
