You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
