just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
