The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
