You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Randomize
