I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
