dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
