there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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