He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
