I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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