I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize