Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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