so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
