I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
