dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
