This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
